now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Its about making memories worth repressing
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
