Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
