you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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