i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
