It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
