We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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