it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
