I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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