Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize