I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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