Define "chronic" masturbator.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
