I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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