Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
