probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
