If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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