How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
