great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
