The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
