I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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