My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
