I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
