Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
