either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
