he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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