So drunk its hurt
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize