I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
