He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
