My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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