He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
