because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
