You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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