I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
