This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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