did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize