never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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