It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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