I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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