Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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