I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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