i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
