I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
