so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
