Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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