drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
