Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
