I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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