We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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