I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Someone shattered a urinal.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
