Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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