mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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