i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
