I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
