some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
They have beer where we have blood.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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