I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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