how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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