don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
