I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
