clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
