so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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