Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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