is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
