I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
