You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
