dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just want nice things and good sex
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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