puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
birth control should be required to get into college
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
