THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh god it's open bar.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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