what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just want nice things and good sex
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
