Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
